How Is Your Relationship Going?
Relationship - Flower or Weed?
Dear Dating dilemma Team,
"I've been in a serious relationship with a woman that always complains. I love her, but when she gets home after me or when I first arrive, she always goes through either a list of disappointing events throughout the day or she starts screaming about all this petty relationship stuff. I'll be winding down from a long day and she'll come home and start yelling at me about 'water' or the lack of toothpaste... Our relationship is in the doldrums because she's always bringing up 'negative' stuff. I like our relationship and I love her, but I can't stand the mood she puts me in... after she starts screaming, it then sets me off and I start to yell too! Big time! I've tried to be patient with her and bite my tongue but she just makes me so mad with her abusive behavior.
Ironically, all she recalls is how I behaved after she started it! I need your expert relationship advice. Can you be there for for me?My relationship with her is pretty good outside of these relationship problems but we have this breakdown in communication because I usually escalate it and then she does till we can't resolve anything at all!"
'Hopeless cycle of abuse'
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Dear 'Hopeless Cycle of Abuse',
Some relationships are more complex than others. I've seen an Internet one that was kind of similar with the girl constantly complaining whenever she wrote her new friend. (They didn't live close to each other. Since it was somewhat of a long distance relationship they never really saw each other.) Your relationship, however, is a bit more complex because you're fueling the fire when you react to her...and you know this.
Your relationship needs
What you need is a romance counselor, perhaps, someone who can objectively comment on the specifics, because otherwise, she's never going to understand that there are proper ways to communicate and that she may have learned this bad habit of hers from her parents.. Perhaps, one of her parents came home in a bad mood and habitually yelled at her or each other? If this is the case, she may need some serious counseling or self-awareness to free herself and you from this viscous cycle. If you do truly love her as you claim, then you will fight for the relationship and stand by and support her as she deals with the situation.
The Dating Team
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